Thursday, March 5, 2009

Are You a Man Whisperer?

The following are the Ten Keys to Successful Communication with Your Man. A woman, with her superior communication skills, can be a big help to her man (and her relationship) by helping and guiding him to learn to communicate better instead of being agitated by his lack of skills in this area. Remember men communicate differently than women. If you try to talk with your man like you do your girlfriend’s you will both probably be disappointed and frustrated. However, if you practice these ten tips on a consistent basis you will be well on your way to becoming…A Man Whisperer.

Whisper #1
GIVE HIM SPACE--One strategy that works well with men is to tell them something you want their feedback on and then ask them to think about it for a day before answering. It takes men time to process information—especially emotions.

Whisper #2
SIMPLIFY--Learn to simplify the conversation. If you talk to your man like you do your girlfriends he will just stop listening. Men have about a 30 second attention span. If you don’t get to the point by then their mind will start looking for other problems to solve.

Whisper #3
ONE TOPIC AT A TIME PLEASE--Stick to one topic at a time and let a man know when you’re changing topics. Letting a man know when you are changing topics allows him to shut off the problem solving mode and be open to the new topic.

Whisper #4
BE CONSISTENT--Consistency is very important when communicating with men. Men generally cannot process more than one thing at a time.

Whisper #5
LEARN HIS LANGUAGE--Men are much more literal in their conversations than women. When he asks you what is wrong and you say, “Nothing” he will likely take you at your word.

Whisper #6
GIVE HIM A PROBLEM TO SOLVE--Men love to problem-solve. Rather than nagging him about an issue that’s troubling you, say something like, “Honey, I have a problem that I’d really like to get your help with.”

Whisper #7
GET PHYSICAL--Since men are action-oriented, go for a walk or hiking, play a round of golf, or even drive on a deserted highway together (so he’s not distracted by traffic) when you want to talk with your man.

Whisper #8
TIMING IS EVERYTHING--If you bombard him with complaints the minute he walks in the door from a hard day at work, he’s not likely to be willing to listen. Oftentimes, giving him a half-hour to change clothes and decompress will do the trick.

Whisper #9
FIGHT FAIR--Men and women argue differently. You cannot take to heart much of what a man verbalizes when he is upset. He doesn’t think about what comes out of his mouth, especially in the heat of the moment. Unfortunately for men, women do.

Whisper #10
SPEAK PLAINLY--Remind him often that you just need to be heard, you are not looking for a solution. Tell him that at the beginning of the discussion so that he can switch off his “problem-solving” mode.

Single Mom Camps Change Lives

Each year Better Dads ministry hosts our annual Single Mom Family Camp for approximately 25 single moms and their children. Our goal is to honor, teach, and pamper the moms. All the while their children are enjoying time in the outdoors with positive male mentors doing activities like swimming, rafting, fishing, playing sports, building stuff, and playing with other kids. These three-day, life changing camps are free to the families who attend and the response has been overwhelming. The moms spend time in some very intense classes reflecting on how to choose healthy relationships and the role their father played in their previous choices. The moms also have some opportunities for fun and reflection with other mature women mentors through prayer and conversation. Finally, they are pampered and honored through a variety of volunteered services that many seldom get to experience. At meal times and in the evenings everyone comes together for fun, wholesome activities. Many of the moms break down in tears as they describe how powerfully impactful the camp has been in the lives of their family. Some of the comments heard from the moms included:

“I felt like I was really seen this weekend, I was not just invisible anymore.”
“This was the first time my kids saw me valued as a person.”
“Before this weekend, I felt like a statistic--just a minority single mom. But now I know that God thinks I am valuable and special.”

One mom brought her 13 year old daughter whose father had died the previous year. The girl was wearing dark makeup and angrily refused to speak to anyone. Over the weekend her walls slowly came down until by Sunday she was happy and outgoing. Her mom sent an email saying, “I saw more healing in my daughter in the past three days than I’ve seen in the last two years. It feels like I got my little girl back again!”

Another mom was touched to tears because for the first time in years her closed off daughter had reached out and taken her hand as they walked together.

The camps use married couples as volunteers. The men "play" with the kids while the wives pray with and for the moms. These mature Christian women are also available to mentor the moms one on one. This also allows both moms and kids to see healthy married couples interact with one another during meals and other times together. Church youth groups also work with the kids, modeling for them how to have wholesome fun in a group setting.

To find out more about the upcoming camp on June 12-14 or to volunteer or donate to these powerfully impactful camps please contact us at