tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6320769363537715072024-02-18T18:25:26.810-08:00from the founder of BetterDads.netcommentary and inspiration on better fathering and better familiesRick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-83618603605304405542015-07-18T23:24:00.001-07:002015-07-18T23:24:55.047-07:00Does Honor Still Matter?<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
So help me, all it takes for the world to crumble to nothing
is for women to lose their virtue and men their honor.<br />—Andrew Klavan, <i>The
Identity Man</i></blockquote>
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The word <i>honor</i>
means to be honest, to be fair, and to have integrity in one’s beliefs and
actions with a high level of respect for ourselves and others. It is an
adherence to what is intrinsically <i>right</i>.
Honor also entails having a nobleness of mind, character, or spirit—an exalted
moral excellence, if you will. A man of honor is loyal, faithful, and true to
his word. He keeps his promises and fulfills his duties.</div>
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<span style="text-indent: 24pt;">Perhaps no character trait
embodies healthy masculinity more than that of honor (healthy honor—other
cultures and religions have forms of honor that may not agree with our version
of honor in the West). Honor is the soul of masculinity. It is a code that a
man lives by that lifts him above mere mediocrity and survival. It enables him
to use the incredible power that God has endowed him with to lift the lives of
others beyond what they could ever be without his broad shoulders to stand
upon. Honor allows a man to stand tall among less honorable members of his
gender. It inspires him to reject and ignore involvement in self-gratifying
activities (like adultery, drugs, lying, or stealing) that sap his ability to
live a life of integrity and wholeness. It allows him an opportunity to strive
for greatness in life. It motivates him to live his life to a higher standard.</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 24pt;">Our culture and the definition of honor have changed over the
generations. </span><span style="text-indent: 24pt;">Honor
used to reflect a man’s outer image—the way he acted and how he conducted himself
publically. </span><span style="text-indent: 24pt;">Now
it is more about whether a man has inner qualities such as integrity, honesty,
and loyalty.</span></div>
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With these changes, the definition of manhood has changed as
well. Masculinity was highly valued until a few generations ago. Prior to<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> </span></span>then,
civilizations considered a man to be valued and encouraged men to be as
honorable and excellent as possible.</div>
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One of the results of these changes has been that honor is no
longer a valued character trait. Actually, it is in word but not in deed. We
talk a lot about honor but seldom see it in action or praise it when we see it
acted out. Perhaps this is because it runs contrary to our “age of the
individual.” Honor requires us to put the needs of others ahead of our own. It
requires that we place more value on others than on ourselves. Honor is the
heart of authentic masculinity. It differentiates good men from bad men, leaders
from loafers. It is the trait that inspires men to accomplish great deeds and
make huge sacrifices for the benefit of others. Honor fuels healthy
civilization. </div>
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Perhaps one of the most profound statements about honor and
nobility of all time was this one made by C. S. Lewis. While discussing
the desire or propensity of modern society to remove the heart (honor, passion,
and noble strength) from the young men of our culture, he predicted, “We
continue to clamour for those very qualities we are rendering impossible. . . .
In sort of a ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. We
make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at
honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the
geldings be fruitful.”<sup> </sup> The
very thing we crave and need most in men today is the very thing we mock and
breed out of our young men.</div>
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Lewis’s<b> </b>prophetic work
(written in the 1940s) has come to fruition as social and moral relativism has
been adopted by modern thought—in religion, education, and government—opening
the door to the post-modern claim that people are free to create their own
reality through a sheer act of the will. </div>
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Boys without passion become men without passion. Men without
passion are like automatons or androids—robots trapped in human skin. Men
without passion seldom lead noble or honorable lives. They are apathetic;
unable or unwilling to lead their families and communities.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Honorable men and honorable expectations teach boys to become
honorable. Being surrounded by men of honor and immersed in an environment
steeped in an honor code integrates this trait into a boy’s heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Dads, teach your son what you believe to be important in life. Develop
a core set of beliefs that, as a family, you believe to be foundational and
unbreakable. Develop an honor code for your family. Your son and our country need one.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Excerpted from Rick's book, </i>A Man in the Making<i>, by Revell Publishing. Find out more at www.betterdads.net </i></div>
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Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-59962325393973944522015-06-19T20:41:00.000-07:002015-06-20T09:15:30.578-07:00Guest Post: The Last Four Words My Dad Said To Me Before He Died.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Guest Post: Gunnar Simonsen<br />
<br />
“I love you, too” were the final words my dad would say to me before he passed away. Can greater words ever be spoken amidst the knowledge that a final hour was drawing near?<br />
<br />
I am one of the blessed ones. Not all have had such an opportunity. Many of my friends either never knew their father or wished they had never met their father. For them, my heart breaks.<br />
<br />
Dad was forty years older than me. In comparison with most of my friends, he came from another time. His time was the time of many of their grandparents. <br />
<br />
To me, he was simply dad. <br />
<br />
Certainly his taste of music was from another time as well. Jazz was always on, especially that of the big band era. We used to sit and talk with the jazz playing all day long. <br />
<br />
Nobody and I mean nobody could tap their finger to the beat of jazz like dad could.<br />
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Me and dad used go play a lot of golf growing up. There’s was that time we were nearly hit by a lightning bolt and immediately high tailed it back to the clubhouse. I never saw my dad run that fast. I never saw him that mad either at the fact I was in hot pursuit of his mad dash nearly stumbling over myself laughing so hard. Of course, we took a rain check and just drove to the next golf course and played. Had the storm passed? Not really. But dad wouldn’t let a little thunder and lightning hinder golf.<br />
<br />
For those that knew my dad, he wasn’t known for a lot of words. Matter of fact, at first, many of my friends wondered if he even liked them. But sooner or later, they’d see dad in full bloom. <br />
<br />
There are two characteristics about my dad that after ten years since he passed seem to really stand out. First, dad was the funniest person I ever knew. He had this dry sense of humor that just killed it every single time. I remember as a kid watching TV with dad. I loved watching him laugh at the TV. I knew that if it made dad laugh, it was funny. <br />
<br />
As I reflect on this, watching dad laugh at a TV show didn’t stop when I grew up, it kept going. Seeing dad laugh was a gift. To make dad laugh was priceless. <br />
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I recall many times the last few years of life where my dad was at an event or something I was hosting or had to play host. With those duties always came a felt need for me to entertain people. I too love to make people laugh. But in those events, if I could make my dad laugh… no words could describe it. Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. It was like, atta boy.<br />
<br />
My dad was also an unbelievable listener. There was never a time as I grew older that I remember speaking with my dad and him seeming distracted. He would listen intently. He wouldn’t say many words, if any until you were done. It was as if he wanted you to work it out. Never once did I ever feel like screaming… say something!! I knew it would it come.<br />
<br />
Because while he was listening, he was listening. <br />
<br />
That’s not a typo. He wasn’t thinking about what he was going to say in response. He wasn’t falling all over himself to interrupt my words to offer his feedback. While dad listened, he simply listened.<br />
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Someday, I hope I can master such patience, confidence, and wisdom because in his ability to do this always came the perfect resolve. <br />
<br />
Dad was also that one person that I grew to appreciate more and more as I grew older that could turn my fear into peace. With a forty year difference, it wasn’t always easy. Being human, we’re always growing. <br />
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Fortunately for me and dad, we grew towards each other and not apart. <br />
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To this day I remember like it was yesterday being wheeled away for back surgery. I had never experienced surgery like this. I was extremely nervous, but after over a month of extreme pain, it had to be done. Dad knew my nervousness. At the time, I did not know he would be gone two years later. Dad was the last person I saw as they wheeled me away. What he did that very moment was something I had never experienced from him in my entire life. <br />
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He reached out his hand to me and gave me a look I will cherish forever. As I grabbed his hand, his look said one thing… it will be ok. I sit here a mess as I type this. <br />
<br />
“I love you, too” were the final words my dad would say to me before he passed away. Can greater words ever be spoken amidst the knowledge that a final hour was drawing near? <br />
<br />
Hearing those 4 words before he died after never once hearing them growing up was beyond words. I lived my whole life seeking to hear them. Perhaps that which I sought to hear was all along being played out in that which I had been seeing? <br />
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Shortly before my dad passed away from cancer, he also had a stroke. I remember his doctor telling me and mom that he didn’t wish this on his worst enemy. It was hard seeing someone you love drift away into a place where their old self would not be seen again. <br />
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Often times during that season I would be with dad and know he really wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out. You could see the struggle. He didn’t want you to see the struggle, but you did. But what you couldn’t hear, you could feel. If you could feel emotion from that which you were seeing, dad’s heart was on full display and not like anything I had ever seen before. <br />
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Searching my whole life to hear my dad say I love you through the lens of this changes everything. Though he may not have said it, looking back on these memories, I sure did see it. If you could feel emotion from that which you were seeing, dad’s heart was on full display this whole time and I didn’t hear it. Why? Because perhaps I was never meant to hear it but rather instead… experience it. <br />
<br />
And as I look back, I sure did. ..I sure did.<br />
<br />
Dad, I love you. I miss you. On this Father’s Day in 2015, I honor you.</div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-49373095697142582862015-04-23T23:53:00.001-07:002015-04-23T23:53:47.879-07:0020 Books all Boys Should ReadHere's a list of 20 books all boys should read (in no particular order). Consider reading these aloud with your son:<br />
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<st1:place w:st="on"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Treasure Island</span></i></st1:place><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">, by Robert Lewis Stevenson<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Adventures of Huckleberry
Finn</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">, by Mark
Twain<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://cdn-media-1.lifehack.org/wp-content/files/2015/03/Huck-Fin.jpg" width="135" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">White Fang, Sea Wolf,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> and<i> Call of the Wild</i>, by Jack London<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://cache.coverbrowser.com/image/pocket-books/1063-1.jpg" width="128" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Jungle Book</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> and <i>Captains Courageous </i>by Rudyard Kipling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1327873594l/77270.jpg" width="122" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Tarzan,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> by Edgar Rice Burroughs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Endurance</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">, by Alfred Lansing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Robinson Crusoe</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by Daniel DeFoe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Old Man and the
Sea</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">
by Ernest Hemingway<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" 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" 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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Grapes of Wrath</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by John Steinbeck<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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" 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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Lord of the Flies</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by William Golding<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="https://gradesaver.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/section/338d01b4-529f-417c-acfb-2f97244ebbe4/image/1414477088.jpeg" width="118" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Shogun</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by James Clavell<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9b/Shogun.jpg" width="132" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">African Queen</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by CS Forrester<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://boats.woodenboat.com/wp-content/uploads/African-Queen-Book-Cover.jpg" width="131" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">King Solomon’s Mines</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by H.R. Haggard<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://cdn3.volusion.com/jtoq7.b7owf/v/vspfiles/photos/KING_SOLOMONS_MINES-2.jpg" width="131" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">20,000 Leagues Under
the Sea</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> by Jules Verne<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://www.usborne.com/images/covers/eng/max_covers/return-to-20000-leagues.jpg" width="130" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Where the Red Fern Grows</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> by Wilson Rawls<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/be/Where_the_red_fern_grows_1996.jpg" width="138" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Lion, the Witch, and the
Wardrobe</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> by C.S.
Lewis<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://blogs.slj.com/afuse8production/files/2012/06/LionWardrobe3.jpg" width="140" /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Lord of the Rings</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> an<i>d The Hobbit</i>, by J.R.R. Tolkein<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img height="200" src="http://misprintedpages.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/hobbit-2.gif?w=604" width="120" /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">List from Rick's book, <i>Better Dads Stronger Sons</i>. You can get a copy here: www.betterdads.net </span></div>
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Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-53524104356230340822015-03-16T16:31:00.000-07:002015-03-16T16:31:39.278-07:00Raising Boys to be Leaders<div class="textspace" style="line-height: 150%;">
If we want to raise boys to become
leaders, we have to teach them to have courage.
It is virtually impossible to be an effective leader without courage. Leading
a family, operating a business, going to school, and even volunteering your
time require courage in various degrees.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Courage is not the absence of fear but
the conquest of it. Courage (especially in males) is the willingness to fail. Courage
is the defender and protector of all other virtues. Courage emancipates us and
allows us to move with freedom and vigor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, how do we teach our sons to have
courage? One way is to teach your son
that being “nice” isn’t the highest aspiration a man can live up to. In fact,
sometimes I think niceness is the enemy of courage. Many times in life a man,
husband, or father is forced to make decisions in the best interest of his
family or society that do not appear to be nice on the outside. I’ve been
forced as a father to make decisions that my children perceived at the time as
heartless, mean-spirited, or just plain stupid. But they were always made with
their best interest in the long run in mind. If my goal had only been to be
nice (or to have been liked), I would have not been able to make the hard
decisions that were important to their long-term healthy growth and
development.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our culture promotes being nice as the
highest virtue a man can achieve. Many of the newer “guy” movies inspire males
to be lovable slackers, with no aim in life but to smoke pot, bed women, and
get by without working. But the young men are very “nice,” so it’s okay. And many
young women today seem drawn to soft, passive, quiet men who do not ruffle
feathers and who do what they are told. It’s a nonthreatening but uninspired
vision of manhood.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="text" style="line-height: 150%;">
Niceness and meanness are feminine
concepts. You seldom see men complaining that another man is mean or not nice. On
the outside, that desire for niceness in males would appear to be a noble goal.
However, it’s really a way of neutering masculinity. Being nice takes away the
power of a man to lead. It removes passion, conviction, and courage from a man’s
soul. Nice guys might not always finish last, but they seldom run the race at
all.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You cannot be a leader without at least <i>some</i> people getting mad at you. In fact,
you cannot accomplish <i>anything</i> important
in life without having someone get upset with you. By its very nature,
leadership will offend or upset a certain percentage of individuals. If your
son grows up to care too much about what others think of him or whether he
inadvertently upsets someone, he will never accomplish anything significant
with his life, including raising exceptional children.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Want your son to be a leader? Teach him to be courageous. Remember--parents who exhibit courage produce
courageous children.<o:p></o:p></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-50484389153409829232015-02-24T15:02:00.001-08:002015-02-24T15:02:48.647-08:00Can we stop cyber bullying using parental control apps?<i>Today's guest post is from </i> <i>Paula G. She participates
in a volunteer action against cyber bullying. You can reach her at her </i><a href="https://twitter.com/paulagreennyc"><i>Twitter</i></a><i> or </i><a href="https://plus.google.com/u/0/me?tab=mX&authuser=0"><i>Google+</i></a><i> profile. </i><br />
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<i> </i>Our increasingly connected world created a new platform for
bullies to harass our children. This type of bullying is called cyber bullying.
It is pretty much the same as the traditional bullying most of us experienced
at school. But this type is even more radical: children no longer use physical
assaults or pick on other kids at school--now they have social media, emails
and text messages. Although you won’t find bruises or scars on your child’s
body it certainly doesn’t mean that he/she is not affected. Below, we listed
top facts, statistics and ways to prevent cyber bullying.</div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Over 60% of teens report to experience cyber
bullying.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">33% of bullying victims report they received
text messages with threats.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">95 percent of children admit to witness
cyberbullying and ignored it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">80% of children agree that online bullying is
easier to get away with than traditional bullying.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Only 2 in 10 victims will inform their parents
about online threats they receive.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Girls are about twice as likely to get bullied
online.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Cyber bullying victims are 3-9 times more likely
to think about committing suicide.</span></li>
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Cyber bullying is said to have more radical aspects than
traditional bullying due to the so-called “invisibility factor.” As children
don’t have face to face contact, they don’t get the feedback, which increases
their brutality. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Online bullying occurs through the use of phones,
smartphone, iPads, iPods, computers. It can be done through social media
websites, emailing, text messages, instant messages and pictures. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are several suggestions to prevent cyber bullying: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">First and most important is to talk to your
child directly and ask him/her about cyber bullying: what does your child know
about this problem, has he/she ever witnessed, participated or experienced
cyber bullying.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Reassure
that the victims have no fault in being the harassed target.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You can
also plead to teenage pop stars like Taylor Swift, Luis Tomlinson, Russell
Brand and others active celebrities who stand against cyber bullying.</span></li>
</ul>
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The last but not the least thing you should do is to monitor
your child’s online activity. Chances are most kids won’t admit they have been
bullied to avoid embarrassment. <a href="http://pumpic.com/mobile-sms-spy.html">SMS
monitoring apps</a> allows you to track your child’s internet usage, monitor
social media websites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, instant messages
(Skype, Viber, WhatsApp) etc. In addition, you can monitor all incoming,
outgoing and deleted messages, view call logs and real-time GPS location. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As parents, we must stay informed and involved in order to
protect our children from the painful and sometimes deadly effects of cyber bullying. <o:p></o:p></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-10695829949769248762015-02-18T12:21:00.000-08:002015-02-18T12:21:07.295-08:00Men of Honor--Avoiding a Life Lesser Lived<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
My good friend, Tony Rorie, is the
founder of a program called <a href="http://www.themenofhonor.org/">Men of Honor</a> in
Dallas, Texas. Men of Honor exists to make passionate followers of Christ by
mentoring and training next generation leaders ages eleven to seventeen in the
principles of chivalry, honor, integrity, moral excellence, and courageous
leadership. They use a three-pronged strategy of life-changing camps,
conferences, and curriculum. The camps are weekend encounters where youth go
through rites of passage, leadership development exercises, and powerful
encounters with the Holy Spirit. The most important is the Father’s Blessing which is
imparted by older male mentors to mostly fatherless youth. Camp graduates are
then connected to weekly curriculum-based mentoring groups where they are taken
through Dr. Ed Cole’s "Majoring in Men" curriculum and taught that manhood and
Christlikeness are synonymous. They believe being a male is a matter of birth,
being a man is a matter of choice. Tony gave this powerful speech at a recent
graduation:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“When this generation was born, there
were three parties present: The Lord was there to name them according to their
purpose. He named them Victorious Warrior, Mighty Deliverer, Faithful Servant,
Overcomer, Light in the Darkness. Next their parent or, if they were fortunate,
parents, named them: Dalton, Daniel, James, Lauren, Jordan. Then the enemy
named them: Drug-Addict, Pornographer, Suicide Victim, AIDS Patient.</span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This generation will fulfill two of
those three names in their lifetime—which will it be? Thirty-six percent of
this generation woke up this morning without their dad in the home. Whoever
captures the heart of the next generation will name that generation. Modern
marketers have begun their plans long ago. The enemy has begun his plans
. . . to kill, steal, and destroy. These forces will spare no expense
to see their plans come to reality.</span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">NEITHER WILL WE! We will sp</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">are no
expense to see the plans of the Lord come to light in the hearts of young
people. They are created in the image of God and bear His image. They are world
changers, Kingdom builders—mighty servants of the Kings of Kings!</span></i></div>
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<i><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>Join us in our pursuit of this
generation. Pray for Men of Honor as we establish life-changing opportunities
for young people to hear the Good News of life through Jesus Christ, see their
purpose and potential as world-changers, and stand up in their generation as
leaders!”</i></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What a mighty, manly legacy to pass on
to a group of boys entering manhood. All males, no matter their age, yearn for
significance in their lives. They yearn for a battle to fight that means
something. Young men run to the battlefield, not because they want to kill or
be killed, but because they want to participate in a battle bigger than
themselves—one that matters. They want the world to know they existed. God
created them this way to make the world safe and healthy.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When we teach our sons the nobility of
using the awesome masculine power that God gave us to help others, we give him
the ability to define his life—we channel that natural competitiveness,
aggressive nature, and yearning for significance that God gave him into
healthy, life-giving outlets. The world has many battles that need to be fought
by a group of men and boys banding together. Things like poverty, child and
domestic abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, illiteracy, sexual slavery and human
trafficking, fatherlessness, and violent behavior. Just like men of lore were
adventurers of wild continents, explorers of untamed lands, and conquerors of
the unconquerable, we need to give our young men today adventures with noble
causes to live their lives for. But without a vision to inspire them many boys
settle for a life lesser lived.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Find out more about Men of Honor here:
<a href="http://www.honorministries.org/">www.honorministries.org</a></span><o:p></o:p></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-32269232157453243972015-02-17T13:22:00.002-08:002015-02-17T13:22:10.730-08:00Relationship Wounds--The Great Destroyer<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The average person is prone to
bring past relationship wounds into their current relationships. These are particularly destructive because
our current partner has no idea what you are talking about or where you are coming
from. So for instance, if a past spouse
cheated on you, we often distrust all future spouses. It’s important to remember that the person we
are currently with did not perform the act (or said the words) that wounded us. Much like our criminal justice system, that
person should be considered innocent until proven guilty—they should be given
the benefit of the doubt. Likewise when
a person has been wounded by a mother or father while growing up, it is
difficult to not reflect that behavior upon on future relationships. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When you are in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship, fear
makes you believe that the next one may be worse, that you may be hurt more and
loved less. Those are false voices based
on your wounds and the evil ones who wish to see you tortured.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">People who have past relationship
wounds are often dependent for their happiness on the happiness of their
partner. They receive validation and
contentment by how their spouse treats them or the attitude they display. This dependency makes it very difficult for either
spouse to maintain a healthy attitude. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But partners who aren’t dependent
upon the validation of the other can remain intimate even during times of
stress and conflict. They use each
others’ strengths to fuel their relationship instead of allowing their
weaknesses to destroy it. When we allow
another person to validate our worth, we give them the control to manipulate
our lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Unfortunately, the more
emotionally unhealthy a person is the more apt they are to engage in highly
dependent relationships. Because these
people don’t handle anxiety well (they aren’t able to comfort themselves), every
time their partner becomes upset, they do as well. And since they are dependent upon their
partner for reinforcement, they then spend vast amounts of energy trying to
control their partner and the relationship in order to get control of
themselves. That’s a lot of emotional
energy getting expended in a generally frustrating and often fruitless
cause. In the alcoholic home I grew up
in, whenever my mother got upset, everyone paid for it. So we each either left the house or spent
much of our time and energy trying to make sure she was happy, contented, and
anxiety free. But it was a no-win
battle. She continued to negatively
control and manipulate things regardless of what herculean efforts we
performed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">At some point a person gets tired
of this game and either individually grows and learns to self-validate ourselves,
or leaves the situation--often repeating it in another scenario (like a second
marriage). It’s one of the reasons why
second marriages have an even higher failure rate than first marriages.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">If you’ve recently been in an
unhealthy relationship, give yourself time to heal before getting involved in
another one. Find professional counseling if needed to heal childhood wounds. Otherwise you’re prone to
making the same mistakes all over again or making a poor decision in the choice
of a partner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOIXeA8jrPDxsiGRPo5R8wIiXVeQRNYlKdlNa44XkLe-HkH5y6ADPk8NZgjmjdJ8_6CojLwCxTrAzK53OJCy-bPihP_nnp0SONobBSlH8aGKFqWRTIJjcXrQ8eQmpJbQxG-GleeBMzDGM/s1600/Johnson_5_7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOIXeA8jrPDxsiGRPo5R8wIiXVeQRNYlKdlNa44XkLe-HkH5y6ADPk8NZgjmjdJ8_6CojLwCxTrAzK53OJCy-bPihP_nnp0SONobBSlH8aGKFqWRTIJjcXrQ8eQmpJbQxG-GleeBMzDGM/s1600/Johnson_5_7.jpeg" height="320" width="207" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Excerpted from Rick's new book, <i>Romancing Your Better Half</i>, by Revell Publishing. To find out more or to purchase a copy go to: www.betterdads.net </span></div>
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Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-60383264294933421492015-02-10T19:54:00.000-08:002015-02-10T19:54:17.271-08:0010 TIPS FOR DADS RAISING SONS<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
YOU are the biggest influence in your son’s life—you are almost indispensable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Fathers have been endowed with a huge generational power/influence to impact their
children’s lives for good or evil (sometimes for hundreds of years) just by the
things they do and don’t do or say or don’t say today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Boys learn how to be a man, a husband, and a father by observing male role
models (good or bad ones). Be their role
model.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Boys learn self-respect and respect of others by being respected by their
fathers and the respect they see him give others.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy00YBlc3nb5aQEn5wr804nf18qUtilWe_R6CvAWXY73h5jy74komUFr9SwA_YDFFbGmS6zdRUAwLojyeNBOWFpxzdPv-Va403aruSfS1IG0ettAA8TTOB71JlaSAzCJLa0yf1-qXNBb4/s1600/Johnson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy00YBlc3nb5aQEn5wr804nf18qUtilWe_R6CvAWXY73h5jy74komUFr9SwA_YDFFbGmS6zdRUAwLojyeNBOWFpxzdPv-Va403aruSfS1IG0ettAA8TTOB71JlaSAzCJLa0yf1-qXNBb4/s1600/Johnson.jpg" height="320" width="207" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Character traits like nobility and honor are passed directly from father to
son.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Men and boys long to live lives of significance—they hunger for adventure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Your sons (and daughters) may be the only people in the world who <i>want</i> to love and respect you without
your having to earn it first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
You need to resolve any issues between you and your father, before you can grow
to become the kind of father you want to be and that your children deserve. If not, it’s very difficult to break negative
generational cycles from being passed along to your son.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Teach your son (or daughter) self-discipline by holding him accountable for his
actions and decisions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Find
out more by purchasing Rick’s book, <i>Better
Dads—Stronger Sons: How fathers can guide boys to become men of character</i>,
by Revell Publishing. For more
information go to </span><a href="http://www.betterdads.net/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">www.betterdads.net</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-40329896671681419922015-02-04T13:39:00.001-08:002015-02-04T13:39:09.436-08:00from the founder of BetterDads.net: 10 TIPS FOR MOMS ON RAISING BOYS<a href="http://authorrickjohnson.blogspot.com/2015/02/10-tips-for-moms-on-raising-boys.html?spref=bl">from the founder of BetterDads.net: 10 TIPS FOR MOMS ON RAISING BOYS</a>: • Boys need clear, CONSISTENT, unambiguous boundaries. • Boys need to be held accountable for their actions and decisions (no matter how...Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-57896854814596266272015-02-04T13:34:00.000-08:002015-02-04T13:34:49.646-08:0010 TIPS FOR MOMS ON RAISING BOYS<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Boys need clear, CONSISTENT, unambiguous boundaries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Boys need to be held accountable for their actions and decisions
(no matter how much you want to, do not rescue them very often).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Boys need to learn the correlation between taking risks and
success in life—let them get hurt and let him fail. Males learn best through their failures. They also develop healthy self-esteem by trying, failing, and persevering to success.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Boys need to not acquire the habit of quitting early in life
(quitting is an easily learned life-long habit for males—again do not rescue
too often).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Boys need (must have) positive male role models in their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Speak to your son in simple, short sound bite-sized sentences
(get to the point within 30 seconds).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">• If you need to discuss something in depth, take a hike, shoot
hoops, or other physical activity with your son. Males process information and emotions more easily through physical activity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Women have much better communication skills than a boy. It is intimidating to sit across the table,
eye to eye from someone so much more skilled in an area than he is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
Start discussing sexuality early in your son’s life—it will be easier later on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">•
If you are a single mom, don’t be discouraged--millions of good men have been
raised by just their mothers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Bonus
tip—best thing a mother can do for her son?
Pray. For. Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">To
find out more about Rick’s bestselling book, <i>That’s My Son—How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character</i>,
by Revell Publishing, go to </span><a href="http://www.betterdads.net/">www.betterdads.net</a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-30494826268850844682015-01-28T10:56:00.000-08:002015-01-28T10:56:34.064-08:0010 Tips for Communicating with Women<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;">Earlier we discuss how to effectively communicate with the male species. Here are some tips for communicating with the fairer and more complicated sex:</span><!--[if !supportLists]--></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-stretch: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A
man’s words--both verbal & written--are very powerful to his wife (and
daughters). Notes, cards, and poems
(especially if they don’t rhythm) are very powerful forms of communication for
women (yes they believe the words on the Hallmark cards you give them).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Males
typically do not place as much importance on words as females do. Be aware of the power of your words. Use words she needs to hear every day like,
“I love you” and “You are beautiful.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Females
often believe a man’s words even over his actions. Let your actions speak louder than your words
anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A
man’s anger is very frightening to his wife.
While men frequently blow off steam and then forget about what they
said, most women take the words spoken to them very seriously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Your
wife craves your <i>undivided</i> attention. This spells love to her. Focus on listening to her without being
pre-occupied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Listen
twice as much as you talk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Understand
that females process problems, emotions, and develop intimacy through verbal
communication. Males typically do those
things through physical activity.
Listening to her shows her you love her.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Resist
the urge to solve her problems—she probably just wants you to listen!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Acknowledge
her feelings—they are real to her.
Females are emotionally-based human beings. Her emotions are her reality. Acknowledge them as important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Be
a man of character. Nothing speaks
louder to a woman than a man who lives by honorable principles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-4342777772171729112015-01-25T08:13:00.001-08:002015-01-25T08:13:17.289-08:0010 Tips for Communicating with Men<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">GIVE
HIM SPACE--One strategy that works well with men is to tell them something you
want their feedback on and then ask them to think about it for a day before
answering. It takes men time to process information—especially emotions.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">SIMPLIFY--Learn
to simplify the conversation. If you talk to your man like you do your
girlfriends he will just stop listening. Men have about a 30 second attention
span. If you don’t get to the point by then their mind will start looking for
other problems to solve.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ONE
TOPIC AT A TIME PLEASE--Stick to one topic at a time and let a man know when
you’re changing topics. Letting a man know when you are changing topics allows
him to shut off the problem solving mode and be open to the new topic.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">BE
CONSISTENT--Consistency is very important when communicating with men. Men
generally cannot process more than one thing at a time.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">LEARN
HIS LANGUAGE--Men are much more literal in their conversations than women. When
he asks you what is wrong and you say, “Nothing” he will likely take you at
your word.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">GIVE
HIM A PROBLEM TO SOLVE--Men love to problem-solve. Rather than nagging him
about an issue that’s troubling you, say something like, “Honey, I have a
problem that I’d really like to get your help with.”</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">GET
PHYSICAL--Since men are action-oriented, go for a walk or hiking, play a round
of golf, or even drive on a deserted highway together (so he’s not distracted
by traffic) when you want to talk with your man.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">TIMING
IS EVERYTHING--If you bombard him with complaints the minute he walks in the
door from a hard day at work, he’s not likely to be willing to listen.
Oftentimes, giving him a half-hour to change clothes and decompress will do the
trick.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">FIGHT
FAIR--Men and women argue differently. You cannot take to heart much of what a
man verbalizes when he is upset. He doesn’t think about what comes out of his
mouth, especially in the heat of the moment. Unfortunately for men, women do.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">SPEAK
PLAINLY--Remind him often that you just need to be heard, you are not looking
for a solution. Tell him that at the beginning of the discussion so that he can
switch off his “problem-solving” mode.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-66761568021248740322015-01-18T20:23:00.001-08:002015-01-18T20:23:39.837-08:00Mars, Venus, and Pillow Talk<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Several
years ago I was asked to speak at a large men’s conference. Besides speaking
from the main stage I was scheduled to give two breakout sessions. One of the
breakout sessions was on the topic of my book, <i>Becoming Your Spouse’s Better Half</i>. Upon arriving at the venue I
discovered from the participant guide that the event producers had advertised
this workshop as “How to get more sex in your marriage.” Needless to say, about
580 out of the 600 men in attendance showed up at the workshop. The twenty who
didn’t come were the teenage boys who were forced (somewhat reluctantly) to
attend the workshop on sexual purity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Rather
than discussing just the act of sex, though, I talked mostly about a woman’s
needs and how best to fulfill them. I told them that understanding a woman’s
need for romance would be a key factor in having an enjoyable sex life – that
women are physically stimulated through romance because it meets their need to
feel cherished and loved. To be romanced is to feel special and valuable. To be
romanced is to be pursued. Nearly all women derive some self-esteem or sense of
worth from knowing a man wants and desires her. It makes her feel loved and
attractive. When her need for non-sexual affection is met she is more able to
respond with physical affection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz0FiPUMCY6XloujpLIjUJL6SHEO0tTaTF4HPkbV8s8jH08z8UpWCqzVU8_B-WmFTS2rB1HNme1cyNegET6MYA7wdWNGA8XkTUlUPTQPDOMeuezyIMA9iPP3wQ4gYq_48ta31JhZ1lvbM/s1600/Becoming+Your+Spouses+Other+Half.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz0FiPUMCY6XloujpLIjUJL6SHEO0tTaTF4HPkbV8s8jH08z8UpWCqzVU8_B-WmFTS2rB1HNme1cyNegET6MYA7wdWNGA8XkTUlUPTQPDOMeuezyIMA9iPP3wQ4gYq_48ta31JhZ1lvbM/s1600/Becoming+Your+Spouses+Other+Half.jpg" height="200" width="129" /></a><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I explained
that many women are unable to separate sex from the context of their daily
lives and relationships. It seemed strange to some of them that if they’d
recently been arguing with their spouse or the kids were sick, they weren’t
likely find their wives in the mood for sex. While men use sex to heal the
problems of life, women are just the opposite. In fact many women report that
if the house is messy or the dishes dirty, they are unable to relax and
concentrate on having sexual relations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I
let the men know their wives need to hear them speak words such as “I love you”
and “You’re beautiful” daily. When a woman hears confirmation that her man
loves her and finds her beautiful, she is more likely to be sexually
responsive. She needs to hear these things frequently. Most women are insecure
about their appearance. They mentally magnify any imperfections or flaws they
perceive in their physical appearance. I use the word <i>perceive</i> because what a woman perceives and what others see can be
two different things. It’s a great mystery that even the world’s most beautiful
women can think they are ugly or can have features they are insecure about.
These negative whispers in her ear are strategies by the evil one to strike her
where it hurts most and she is most vulnerable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">As I
discussed the need to actually “talk” to their wives, I could see an almost
pained expression come over the faces of the men. I reassured them by letting
them know that sometimes it was equally important to just listen to a woman
without trying to solve her problems.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Frankly,
the men were pretty stoic during the presentation. I hadn’t presented this
workshop before so I didn’t know what to expect. But surprisingly, many came to
me afterwards, some with tears in their eyes, and expressed genuine thanks for
the epiphanies they had received regarding their wives’ needs. I have since
received a half-dozen emails from men at the conference commenting on how much,
according to their wives, the information I shared has already improved their
marriages.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I
believe the average guy is sincerely confused about his wife’s needs and how to
fulfill them. Women are pretty complex creatures to most men. Every man I know <i>wants</i> to make his wife happy, and most
guys would be willing to do whatever it takes – provided they knew what to do.
Rather than advice from a Lothario’s perspective (which is what most secular books
in our culture promote), we need to teach men (young and old) practical, common
sense advice on how to fulfill their wives’ deepest needs – to create harmony,
joy, and contentment in the lives of their spouses. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And
if they happen to get a more fulfilling sex life because of it – well, so be
it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">To find out more about Rick's books or speaking schedule go to: www.betterdads.net </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-52965134885862131762014-12-31T20:58:00.000-08:002014-12-31T20:58:41.168-08:00The "Zone" of Marriage<div class="textfirst">
Being married is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. A
large body of research confirms that married couples are happier, they live
longer, they are healthier, they are better off financially, and they have fewer
psychological problems than people who are not married. Americans also highly
value marriage—when surveyed, people consistently rate a good marriage and
having a happy, healthy family as their most important goals.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="textfirst">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
So if marriage is so good for people and society, why can about
half of current marriages expect to end in divorce? Why are young people
increasingly reluctant to marry—they yearn for a lifelong loving relationship
but are skeptical of its possibility? Why are about 40 percent of children born
out of wedlock and <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null">likely</a><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> </span></span>will not have a marriage relationship
modeled for them? These children are significantly more inclined<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> </span></span>than kids born and raised in a “traditional”
family to have children out of wedlock themselves.Are we seeing the results of
the disintegration of marriage in our culture today? If so, how do we erase the
decline and help people understand the value of a good marriage?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUbC9sg-lkN2XKOJxH2hB0n91yoqbJWCiaS4DhJDDwWOGXqOPph-C6kuR11-pDXeP2J72hbkT-x3qDhyphenhyphen26iX6t4-IkFUAuIOWxHVNztvY4Fn_IEiCV7BkQ8PuetVF_I1_4mc2FX_AQbFo/s1600/Johnson_5_7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUbC9sg-lkN2XKOJxH2hB0n91yoqbJWCiaS4DhJDDwWOGXqOPph-C6kuR11-pDXeP2J72hbkT-x3qDhyphenhyphen26iX6t4-IkFUAuIOWxHVNztvY4Fn_IEiCV7BkQ8PuetVF_I1_4mc2FX_AQbFo/s1600/Johnson_5_7.jpeg" height="320" width="207" /></a></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Just like laying a stable and solid foundation is the key to
building a house that lasts, building a solid foundation for our relationship
is one of the important keys for a marriage that lasts.The structure of that
foundation is a relationship based on healthy intimacy, which in turn creates
an environment where couples can grow together long enough for a deep and
nurturing love to take place.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
The truth is that love and marriage are difficult. When Hollywood
and Madison Avenue sugarcoats them and makes romance seem like a walk in the
park, they do a great disservice in creating unrealistic expectations for
millions of young couples.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Loving a woman is, on the one hand, very easy. On the other, it is
very difficult—sometimes nearly impossible. Frequently it doesn’t take much to
make a woman happy—a kind word, an unexpected expression of love, or a romantic
gesture with no expectations. Other times, no matter what a man does, it is
never enough. Likewise, women probably find men perplexing as well (although
nowhere near as complicated).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Most men, if they are lucky, marry “up.” They value their wives as
a greater “prize” than they deserve. My wife is a better wife than I am a
husband. She’s certainly a better person than I am, and if I’m being honest, she’s
likely a more mature Christian as well. Not only that, but she probably rates
higher on most of the positive character traits than I do. She’s more
compassionate, tolerant, patient, loving, kind, gentle, caring, and humble than
I am. She might even be more honest, faithful, loyal, and good than I am (okay,
maybe more intelligent as well). I’m a lot stronger physically than she is, but
that might be the only advantage I’ve got on her. (This works well for my main
roles around the house as jar opener, garbage remover, bug killer, and heavy furniture
mover.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
I’ve noticed that there are times in life when everything just
seems to go right. I have experienced these phenomena in sports, in business,
and in relationships. For brief periods of time nothing you do can go wrong. In
sports they call it being in the “zone.” Every basket you shoot goes in, every
baseball coming toward the batter’s box looks as big as a beach ball, and every
pass you throw is perfect. You feel “at one” with the field or court, your
teammates, and the flow of the game. In business there are usually short periods
times when every decision pays off. You feel like King Midas—everything you
touch turns to gold.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
And there are times in a relationship when things go perfectly—when
you are in the zone. When she gets and actually appreciates all my jokes
(instead of getting offended), when I am able to artfully articulate exactly
how I feel, when I am smooth and suave in everything I do, and when she looks
at me like I am all that matters in the world. That “zone” to my wife probably
looks like this: he focuses all his attention on me without being distracted,
he spends time with me, he’s open and shares his innermost thoughts and
feelings with me, he treats me like a queen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Those times probably seem to be infrequent to both spouses,but
they happen just often enough to encourage us to have hope. Hope that they will
come again—usually when least expected. Those marriage “zones” are when my world
seems best. Like the infrequent surprise sunny day in Oregon, they make all the
other dreary times seem worthwhile.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
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Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-8300498838023913012014-12-19T22:04:00.001-08:002014-12-19T22:04:52.692-08:00Marriage Fraud--What's the Character of Your Marriage?<div class="extractspace" style="text-align: center;">
[Marriage] is the merciless revealer, the great white
searchlight turned </div>
<div class="extractspace" style="text-align: center;">
on the darkest places of human nature.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="source" style="text-align: center;">
—Katherine Anne Porter<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="source">
<br /></div>
<div class="textspace">
Two (usually young) people start out in life together under
the bliss of hormone-induced euphoria.They have well-intentioned but
unrealistic ideas of what their lives together will be like.What starts out as
an innocent, uncorrupted, and pure bud of love, over the years morphs into an
old gnarled, scarred, and weather-beaten tree stump of friendship and
devotion.And yet within this hoary old trunk beats a vibrant heart of the
strongest white oak hardened by its perseverance and longevity to withstand any
challenge that man, beast, or Mother Nature can throw against it.Those
marriages that last for decades begin to discover the peaceful joy and
contentedness that can only come from a lifetime of companionship and working
together to rise above obstacles.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="textspace">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null">Many
partners enter into marriage as frauds—showing only the best of themselves.</a><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> </span></span>But marriage has a tendency to expose the
truth about two people and shine light on their true character.What was kept
secretly under wraps while dating soon becomes apparent in the light of day
during marriage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
When that happens, the character of the individuals either
nourishes the relationship or destroys it. A healthy marriage relationship is
comprised of the traits of trust, honesty, humor, faith, and commitment.Marriage
in turn teaches us patience, selflessness, and humility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiklBn0k8b2yZ_giuyDjIcocwOd_y0qxz80iRGnvGLUhqlE_lIeLzCOeawSzKNLWSsqkzVvELV3batDxp0LDWDKA_sOdGkhAOl-yOMw8VXVZHhWiEjMn2Et0OdR2x7MIMkW_PBQMUV_NS0/s1600/Johnson_5_7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiklBn0k8b2yZ_giuyDjIcocwOd_y0qxz80iRGnvGLUhqlE_lIeLzCOeawSzKNLWSsqkzVvELV3batDxp0LDWDKA_sOdGkhAOl-yOMw8VXVZHhWiEjMn2Et0OdR2x7MIMkW_PBQMUV_NS0/s1600/Johnson_5_7.jpeg" height="200" width="129" /></a></div>
<div class="text">
Overcoming challenges is what makes us successful and grows us as
human beings.Whether in a sporting event, at the workplace, or in a science
lab, the person who is able to overcome the greatest difficulties is celebrated
as a winner.Why should marriage be any different?When the hardships of a
relationship confront us, we shouldn’t easily quit but rather give it the same
effort we would any other worthwhile challenge in life.Certainly a good
marriage is more important than throwing a basketball through a hoop in the
larger scheme of things, yet people go to great lengths to improve themselves
in sports when they won’t spend nearly as much energy trying to overcome minor
obstacles in their marriage. </div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Certainly marriage is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our spouse. That's worth fighting for. Don't you think?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-1642342322528480152014-12-09T18:35:00.002-08:002014-12-09T18:35:56.216-08:00Do Only Men of Faith Achieve Greatness?<br /><div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I was raised in an alcoholic home with all the disadvantages that
environment brings with it. I was raised to believe that religion was a crutch
for weak people and that all Christians were hypocrites. By the age of forty,
after attaining all that the world says should make you happy and successful, I
found myself yearning for more. Something was missing. I had a hole in my soul
that could not be filled by success, achievement, or materialistic acquisition.
That chasm in my soul was literally destroying me.</div>
<div class="text">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<i>DESPERATION<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="text">
In a desperate attempt to find inner satisfaction and peace, I
studied a number of religions and belief systems. At the time (like many men) I
did not have any real friends or other men I looked up to for advice, so I
decided to look at the lives of men throughout history whom I admired to see
what they had that made their lives significant. Interestingly, the only common
denominator I discovered between all these great and admirable men was the fact
that they were all Christians—men of great faith. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
That epiphany was a mighty blow to the worldview I had been
raised with. I personally had always been a bit contemptuous of Christianity. At
the very least it just seemed inconsequential or insignificant in the bigger
picture of things. I wasn’t necessarily hostile toward it; I just thought it
was a misguided philosophy designed and developed by perhaps earnest but
intellectually weak or even ignorant men thousands of years ago to keep
uneducated and ambitionless people content with their lot in life. Sort of
along the lines of Karl Marx’s quote, “Religion is the opium of the people.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimSUebLfSCTS0zlsrt5t9cVDgZFIf0403bC16D6h4xDTedyR3TZtqOWiJC2EsvzgbyB1LcDTGou9sfWU63W5XV-gxW2gl37WXvlCgcN6Hbd-BBTEZX1AYmuy8KgdbYCoYri5cwaFTNcQ0/s1600/Johnson_ManinMaking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimSUebLfSCTS0zlsrt5t9cVDgZFIf0403bC16D6h4xDTedyR3TZtqOWiJC2EsvzgbyB1LcDTGou9sfWU63W5XV-gxW2gl37WXvlCgcN6Hbd-BBTEZX1AYmuy8KgdbYCoYri5cwaFTNcQ0/s1600/Johnson_ManinMaking.jpg" height="320" width="207" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="text" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<i>INVESTIGATION<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="text">
However, upon making this discovery, I began to investigate the
history and doctrinal foundations of Christianity. I set out upon a yearlong
study of anthropologic, geologic, and historical components of Scripture in
order to disprove the validity of the Gospels. After that year I came to the
conclusion that not only could I <i>not</i>
disprove the truth of the Gospels, but that they were in fact true. After
accepting Christ as my Savior, I felt a huge sense of peace, satisfaction,
contentment, and most of all forgiveness that cannot be described or proven by
any scientific method I’m aware of. I just knew in my soul that this was <i>truth</i> in its purest form. I felt
fulfilled and whole. This then propelled me into the work I do today, which has
allowed me to lead a much more fulfilling life than I ever thought possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
The study of great men throughout history was what initially led
me to be interested in pursuing salvation. Was it coincidence that every
historically significant man I happened to study was a Christian? Probably not.
But as I have investigated and researched further, it appears to be extremely
difficult to find <i>any</i> men throughout
history who have made a positive and significant difference in the world who
were not Christians or at least men of great faith. (For example, someone such
as Mahatma Gandhi could probably be considered a man who made a significant,
positive difference in the world and, though not a Christian, had a deep
religious and moral faith.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> “I am very doubtful whether
history shows us one example of a man who, having stepped outside traditional
morality and attained power, has used that power benevolently.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="text" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">--C.S. Lewis</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
With that in mind I use great men throughout history and the
character traits they were most famous for to illustrate the foundations we
need to instill in young men in order to develop healthy and truly life-giving
masculinity. Were these men perfect? No. They were ordinary human beings like
you and me—flawed, imperfect, and prone to making mistakes. But they did not
allow those imperfections to keep them from changing the world for the better.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
Too many men in our culture today either use the power of their
masculinity to do harm or they neglect and waste it. If we are to teach boys
and young men to wisely use the power God has endowed them with by virtue of
their gender, we must be intentional. If we are to teach them to use that power
to bless the lives of others, we must proactively develop and implement a plan,
not just hope and pray for a positive outcome.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="text" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<i>GREAT
MEN<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="text">
In the early nineteenth century, an idea called the Great Man
Theory was developed to describe how “great men”—through their personal
attributes, such as charisma, intelligence, wisdom, or political skill—used
their power to significantly influence history. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
For purposes of my newest book, I chose a number of men of faith
whose lives were significant and who impacted the lives of many others. All of
these men led exemplary lives on some level—not perfect, but significant. Each
chapter contains a short bio on the man and how he exhibited the character
trait he was known for, a section on why that specific trait is important to
teach your son, and finally some practical ways to intentionally instill that
character trait into your son’s life. These character traits are not in any
particular order of importance, although I did try to put similar traits
together in the chapter order.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
These traits are not the only traits our boys need to learn, but
they are a good starting point to begin to intentionally develop a plan to
proactively teach our sons to become leaders and good men.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<i>OUR
FUTURE<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="text">
We need to have the courage to raise men of great faith and
character. Our culture is at a crossroads—we are seeing the effects of poor
male leadership over the past several decades. We need great men to once again
lead and shape our culture through strong character and divine inspiration. I
don’t think it’s any coincidence that only a few of the men that I referred to in
this book have been alive in the last forty years or so. We create great men by
intentionally growing them from boys. As you go through this book, keep your
eye on the ultimate goal—to create men who will change history. Without those
great men. . . may God help us all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b>QUESTION
- Can you think of any men throughout history who accomplished great things who
were not men of faith?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="text" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Excerpted
from Rick’s newest book, <i>A Man in the Making:
Strategies to Help Your Son Succeed in Life</i>. Find out more at www.betterdads.net <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-80964083414319739162014-09-02T16:19:00.003-07:002014-09-02T16:20:33.204-07:00An Open Letter to Dads of Teen Daughters<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Better
Dads will host their 2<sup>nd</sup> Annual Father-Daughter Conference on
Saturday, September 27, 2014, at Clark College in Vancouver, WA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This powerful event is for fathers and
daughters 12 and older.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can register
for the event here: <a href="https://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/eventReg?oeidk=a07e95urkdy38cda4ea&oseq=&c=&ch"><span style="color: #0563c1;">https://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/eventReg?oeidk=a07e95urkdy38cda4ea&oseq=&c=&ch</span></a>=
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 57.0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Below
is an open letter from one of the dads who attended last year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Men,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
I attended the father/daughter conference in the fall of 2013, I needed help.
On the heels of several years of what felt like non-stop challenges facing my family,
my relationship with my daughter had suffered greatly. To be honest, I had no
clue to what extent it had suffered. But it did. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
when my wife approached me about attending this event, I was more than ready
and quite frankly desperate for an opportunity to not only spend more
intentional time with my daughter, but time spent in really getting to know my
daughter. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Boy,
I am sure glad I did. I thought I knew my daughter, but there was so much more
to learn. And since then, as I have tried to apply all that I learned from that
conference, my relationship with my daughter has blossomed into something so
much more far reaching than I could have ever imagined.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My
daughter and I are both excited to attend this year's event. Building off of
what we both learned about each other last year, we can't wait to see how far
our relationship grows this next year.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No
matter what state your relationship is in with your daughter or even how old
your daughter is, it is NEVER too late to spend time together working on it.
Thanks to Rick and Better Dads, it has provided me with the tools and
inspiration to keep working on it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As a
brother and fellow dad, I want to not only just invite you to attend this
upcoming conference, I urge you too, as well. For me, not only did my daughter
thank me for it... guess what? My wife did too.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Please
join us.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Gunnar
Simonsen<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Husband
and Dad<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p> </o:p></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-38818871295357774602014-05-18T16:02:00.001-07:002014-05-18T16:02:38.558-07:00Hugs and Slugs
<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">For the next several months a group of
writers focused on the issues of boys and men are collaborating through the
writing and sharing of blog posts in order to bring greater awareness to the
unique challenges boys and men face in the 21<sup>st</sup> Century.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twice a month these writers will be posting
the same posts on their various media formats to spread the word and to
introduce their audiences to the great work of their peers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today’s post features Janet Allison, founder
of Boys Alive! and a Gurian Certified Trainer (</span></i><a href="http://www.boysalive.com/"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.boysalive.com</span></span></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Hugs and Slugs – If Boys Could Speak<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Janet Allison<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Recently, I watched as a 6-year-old boy and his mom greeted
grandma at the airport gate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandma was
eager to give her grandson a hug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
readily complied, however, his arms were by his side, his body held tightly
erect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As soon as Grandma released her
grandson, with exclamations of joy from her and a smile from him, he turned -- and
slugged his mom’s leg with his fist.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Translation:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m excited beyond words!</i></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Two kindergarten boys do the ‘wrist-burn,’ one squeezing and
twisting the other’s wrist as hard as he can – each smiling from ear to
ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Translation:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You are my best friend!</i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Two 4<sup>th</sup> grade boys grab each other by the
shoulders - shaking each other, fake-wrestling, and giggling. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Translation:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Will
you play with me at recess?</i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Parents and teachers generally respond to situations like
these with, “Use your words.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can be
uncomfortable with these physical expressions of connection, especially in a
school setting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They may include more
physical doing – using hands and bodies and less direct eye-contact and
words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">In his book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Boys and
Girls Learn Differently,</i> Michael Gurian explains that these interactions
are typical male ways of interacting, calling them <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">aggression-nurturance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>Females,
on the other hand, typically relate more with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">empathy-nurturance, </b>which includes many more words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">There are two tasks at hand for us:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Cambria;">1.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Understanding and becoming comfortable with the
idea of </span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-family: Cambria;">aggression-nurturance and recognizing that there
is as much value in this expression of connection as there is in
empathy-nurturance.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Cambria;">2.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Continuing to help boys and girls grow in their
use of language – especially understanding and using words that explain
feelings, thus developing <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">empathy</b>
skills.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Empathy is developed by:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Identifying our feelings.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Giving them words.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Expressing them to another – appropriately or
inappropriately .</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">The boy at the airport had a big feeling – but didn’t know
how to express it. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Cambria;">How do we help him
Feel, Acknowledge, and Express?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEELINGS:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We think in pictures and so it is helpful to
give children images to describe their feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will also help them understand the many
nuances of feelings that occur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do you feel like a rumbling volcano?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you feel like hot lava rolling down the
sides of a volcano?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or do you feel like
a volcano shooting fire into the air?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Children
are brilliant, and with some guidance, will give you images of their own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Using animals for imagery is often helpful,
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">The boy at the airport may have been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“feeling all bubbly inside.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">WORDS:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boys typically develop their vocabulary later
than girls and use less words than girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is helpful to give boys a ‘smorgasboard’ of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feeling words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can prepare them ahead, role-play, or follow-up after the emotions of
a situation have calmed down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all
cases, giving them suggested words to put with emotions helps them expand their
emotional vocabulary.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">The boy at the airport could be given words such as, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“excited, ecstatic, nervous.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">EXPRESSING:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boys and girls (and men and women) have very
different styles of communicating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many
boys and men prefer to communicate shoulder-to-shoulder while doing something, rather
than focusing intently with eye-to-eye contact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Allow him to play with something in his hands, move his body, or be
looking away and know that he is more comfortable (and therefore the words may come
more readily) and that you’re creating a safe way for him to connect with you. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">The boy at the airport could be talking with mom as he is
watching people in the security line, and she stands shoulder-to-shoulder
beside him. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Rather than shutting down aggression-nurturance and making
it wrong, we can welcome it and add some empathy-nurturance, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As parents and teachers recognize these
differences, we can bring balance to the communication styles of both boys and
girls.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Recommended Further Study:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Boys Alive! Bring Out Their Best! By Janet Allison<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.boysalive.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Cambria;">www.boysalive.com</span></a></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Boys and Girls Learn Differently by Michael Gurian </span><a href="http://www.gurianinstitute.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Cambria;">www.gurianinstitute.com</span></a></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Boy Talk – How you can help your son express his emotions by
Mary Polce-Lynch</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">For Professional
Development</b> on Gender-Friendly Strategies:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Gurian Institute </span><a href="http://www.gurianinstitute.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Cambria;">www.gurianinstitute.com</span></a></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria;">Janet Allison is an author, educator, and Family Coach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the Founder of Boys Alive! and a
Gurian Certified Trainer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She holds a
master’s certification in Neuro-Linguistics incorporating these communication
skills into her unique parenting curriculum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She has recently launched the Boys Alive! Certification Program
specifically for parenting coaches and counselors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For more information, visit </span><a href="http://www.boysalive.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Cambria;">http://www.boysalive.com</span></a><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-89877929368376113602014-04-14T16:58:00.003-07:002014-04-14T16:58:40.143-07:00The Heart of Masculinity: A Man in the Making
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All boys want to
know how a man is supposed to act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
model of that role is what teaches our sons what it means to be a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for those of us who were not blessed to
be raised by a good role model, what does this look like?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Below are some thoughts on authentic
masculinity.</div>
<o:p> </o:p><br />
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An authentically
masculine man puts aside his needs, desires, wants--and sometimes even his
dreams--for the benefit of others. He does this without fanfare and frequently
without anyone even noticing. His life is not about his individual rights,
achievements, or happiness; it’s about making life better for others. His
sacrifices are part of his character and give his life significance. He meets
these sacrifices with the stoic nobility that God granted all men by right of
their birth gender.<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A real man has honor. He
stands tall as the fierce winds of adversity blow around him. He cherishes and
protects women and children. He knows he has an obligation to mentor those who
follow in his footsteps. He recognizes his sphere of influence and uses it for
good. He understands that life does have fundamental truths and lives his life
according to a firm set of principles. He uses his God-given warrior spirit to
fight for justice and equality. He stands for something. Too many men today
stand for nothing—they are directionless.<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Men who exhibit authentic
masculinity live lives of significance. They lift up others to help them
achieve their potential. They make sacrifices in order to make a difference in
the world--for everyone, not just their own family. They have passion and
vision and are genuinely interested in giving of themselves for the betterment
of others. And they probably don’t make a big production out of doing it
either. Men like this are other-centered, not self-centered. They are
other-focused instead of self-focused. Authentic men live to a higher standard
in life.<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In the movie, Kingdom of
Heaven, a young widower blacksmith first meets his father as he travels to
defend Jerusalem during the Crusades. His father introduces himself to his son
for the first time and asks forgiveness for never having been a part of his
life. With nothing to keep him in his village after the death of his wife and
child, the young man follows his father and trains to become a knight. In the
short period they are together before his father’s death, the young man
flourishes under his father’s tutelage and follows in his footsteps, becoming a
man of honor. Throughout the movie the young knight relies on his father’s
instruction and example. In one powerful scene near the end of the movie while
he is preparing the city of Jerusalem against attack by overwhelming forces, he
endows knighthood upon the city’s commoners defending the city by quoting the
same oath that his father did to him:<br />
<br />
Be without fear in the face of your enemies,<br />
Be brave and upright that God may love thee,<br />
Speak the truth even if it leads to your death,<br />
Safeguard the helpless.<br />
That is your oath!<br />
<br />
The local high priest admonishes him by saying, “Who do you think you are? Can
you alter the world? Does making a man a knight make him a better fighter?”<br />
<br />
As the knight looks him in the eye and boldly proclaims, “Yes!” you can see all
the men who have been charged with the challenge to greatness swell with pride
and determination. They do in fact know that the expectations and exhortations
of greatness can make a man more than he would be without the knowledge of
God’s vision for his and every man’s life.<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Manhood as defined by the
Bible requires men to put the needs and best interests of others before their
own. It’s about living sacrificially. A man uses his strength and influence to
help others and defend those who cannot defend themselves. Read how manly this
verse sounds and how it speaks powerfully to a man’s heart:<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I rescued the poor who cried
for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist him…I made the widows heart
sing…I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame. I was father to the needy; I
took up the case of the stranger. I broke the fangs of the wicked and snatched
the victims from their teeth.” Job 29:12,13,15-17 (NIV).<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Authentic men are passionate,
fierce, and noble—they care. In fact, they are a little dangerous, but it’s a
good dangerous. You might not see this passion on the exterior, but it’s
bubbling under pressure just beneath the surface, forcing its way into every
area of his life. They have a spiritual longing for adventure, for a battle to
fight that’s bigger than themselves, for significance in their lives. Like
modern-day gladiators they stand in the ring facing the challenges of life with
courage and passion.<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When you see a man with a
passion for something bigger and nobler than himself, you are looking authentic
masculinity in the eye.</div>
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<o:p> </o:p></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-17939138775790713822014-02-02T18:17:00.003-08:002014-02-02T18:17:50.527-08:00Signs Your Son Is Using too Much Tech (And What To Do About It)<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>For the next several
months a group of writers focused on the issues of boys and men are
collaborating through the writing and sharing of blog posts in order to bring
greater awareness to the unique challenges boys and men face in the 21<sup>st</sup>
Century. Twice a month these writers
will be posting the same posts on their various media formats to spread the
word and to introduce their audiences to the great work of their peers. Today’s post features Dr. Gregory Janzt, <a href="http://www.drgregoryjantz.com/">http://www.drgregoryjantz.com</a>,
founder of <b>The Center </b><a href="http://www.aplaceofhope.com/">http://www.aplaceofhope.com</a>,<b> </b>and co-author, with Michael Gurian, of
<b>Raising Boys By Design: </b></i><b><i>What the Bible and Brain Science Reveal About
What Your Son Needs To Thrive</i><i><o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Signs Your Son Is Using too Much Tech (And What
To Do About It)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Boys have a
hard enough time concentrating, contemplating, and reflecting -- all executive
functions centered in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, an area where teenage
males are naturally not as fast to mature as we may like. So the last thing we
need is for our sons to spend too much time with technology that inherently
encourages surface-level, multi-tasked, short-term thinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Signs He's
Using Too Much Tech<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Would he rather spend time with technology than
people?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Is he choosing technology over physical activity
and time outdoors?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Does he use tech devices during mealtimes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Is most of the time he spends with friends on
tech devices (i.e., texting, playing video games, watching television)?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Is tech usage distracting from time he should be
spending on homework?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Does his greatest sense of joy or accomplishment
seem to come from tech usage?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Does he seem fatigued and/or irritable,
particularly after long periods of tech usage?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Does he have a hard time concentrating,
particularly after long periods of tech usage?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Does he get anxious if he is away from his tech
devices for too long?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">If you
answered yes to any one of these questions, your son may be using too much
technology, and it's probably a good idea to consider new (or revised) rules
for his tech use.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Introducing
New Tech Rules<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">1) Talk to
your family about tech pros and cons.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">While he will
likely be resistant to a conversation that suggests limiting his tech usage,
you are best served bringing it up within the context of your tech usage as a
family. Explain to him that as grateful as you are for all the ways technology
helps improve your lives, you want to look closely at your tech usage to be
sure there is a healthy balance of things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">As a family,
brainstorm a list of pros and cons. All the ways technology helps improve your
lives -- like providing information, connecting you with friends, and providing
services of convenience. And all the ways it can threaten your quality of life
-- like distracting from homework, making you tired, taking time away from
family and friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Note, going
forward, make it a point of performing the same tech assessments, and
subsequent (applicable) limitations, on all members of your family. After all,
the vast majority of us would be better off spending less time with technology.
Plus, this way your son won't feel singled out.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">2) Assess your
son's tech usage.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Even if you
already believe your son is too dependent on technology, consider the fact that
he's probably using it even more than you know. Spend a week paying attention
to how your son is using technology, including computers, smartphones, video
games, and television. Keep a journal, making note of what he's using and for
how long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Think beyond
the boundaries of your own home. Reach out to his childcare provider, teachers,
and parents of his friends. Ask them what technology he is exposed to when he's
with them, and for how long. And if your son currently is allowed technology in
his bedroom, don't forget to include in your calculation of a guesstimate of
how much time he's on tech devices in the privacy of his room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Note, it is
helpful if you can perform this tech usage assessment on all members of your
family so that your son doesn't feel as though he is being singled out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">3)<b> Limit
tech time.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Once you have
a good idea of just how much time your son is spending with tech devices, talk
to him about limiting the amount of time he will be allowed to use technology
going forward. The more control you can give him over his new tech schedule,
the more he will welcome the change. For instance, if you want to cut down his
overall technology use by 10 hours a week, let him choose the how much time he
would like to eliminate from tech device. That said, make sure there is an even
distribution of things. For instance, the last thing you want is him
eliminating time on his computer and smartphone just so he can spend all his
tech time playing video games.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">4) <b>Keep
tech out of the bedroom.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">If you haven't
already, prohibit the use of technology in his bedroom. This means no TV, no
computer, and no smartphone. He won't be happy about this, but explain to him
that this will give him an opportunity to use his bedroom as it's intended --
to rest and recharge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">5) <b>Monitor
his tech activity.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Play his video
games. Watch his television programs. Visit the websites he frequents. Read his
texts, emails, and posts to his social media pages. This need not be done in
secret. Let your son know that the privilege of using the tech devices you
provide him with is your right to monitor his activities. The more accustomed
he already is to his tech independence, the harder he'll fight you on this.
Don't give in. It is your right, as a parent, to do this. And there are plenty
of computer monitoring programs and apps to help you do just that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">6) <b>Hold off
on a cell phone.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">The sooner you
allow your son a constant tech companion, the sooner you introduce the
possibility of technology dependence. Try and protect your son from the tether
of tech addiction as long as you possibly can, at least until he starts middle
school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">7) <b>Say no
to new tech toys.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Parents
invariably feel the pressure to give our kids the latest and greatest of
everything, particularly the newest tech devices. Resist at all cost! Your son
does not need a new smartphone every time a new version comes out. (None of us
do.) An upgrade is perfectly fine now and then -- in a smartphone, computer, or
television, for that matter -- but wait until the waning performance of the
existing device actually <i>warrants </i>a new purchase. In this manner, you
can teach your son how to appreciate what he has, how to wait patiently for
what he wants, and how to be a responsible consumer who doesn't perpetuate
society's increasingly "throw-away" mentality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">8) <b>Set up
consequences for violations of tech rules.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Your son is
going to make mistakes, like sneaking extra tech time or using inappropriate
language in texts, emails, or social media posts. So before you initiate tech
limitations, set up a clear set of consequences should these rules be violated.
The most effective consequences are those in which you confiscate the device
for a specified period of time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">9) <b>Revisit
the rules now and then.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Finding just
the right amount of tech usage requires a learning curve. You may find your
initial rules don't do enough, or maybe they do too much. Plus, as your son
grows and changes, so do his habits, interests, and needs. For this reason,
it's a good idea to revisit your tech rules now and then. Maybe once a month
for the first six months, then very three months thereafter. And if you happen
to forget, congratulations, as what you're doing is probably working.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Find more
insights into raising boys in today's tech-intensive world in Raising Boys By
Design: What the Bible and Brain Science Reveal About What Your Son Needs To
Thrive by A Place Of Hope founder, Dr. Gregory Jantz, and Michael Gurian.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-31773837234791138542014-01-26T21:40:00.001-08:002014-01-26T21:40:32.782-08:00Does Political Correctness Increase Bullying?<div class="text">
If you are like me you are sick of hearing about this topic. But that begs the question: is bullying
becoming a bigger problem within our culture, or does the media just
sensationalize it because it is the topic du jour? If it <i>is</i>
increasing maybe one reason is the constraints that political correctness
forces upon young males.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDi6QYQX1G2RX0O5cNEil8jeeIgCEZFZ1MzGenK7mnWYunxa4g-6Bceyq4iV2kngqWbNedd73LnTY9t3Rkl_4O11M-HMH2ZP68FBPWc_ZFmlaVKDdhCf9I2BYIf6u-dtAp556WoMHDWw/s1600/David-Vs-Goliath.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDi6QYQX1G2RX0O5cNEil8jeeIgCEZFZ1MzGenK7mnWYunxa4g-6Bceyq4iV2kngqWbNedd73LnTY9t3Rkl_4O11M-HMH2ZP68FBPWc_ZFmlaVKDdhCf9I2BYIf6u-dtAp556WoMHDWw/s1600/David-Vs-Goliath.jpeg" height="179" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="text">
Perhaps because our culture has somehow minimized (or even demonized)
the majestic qualities of manhood, many of our boys today seem a bit softer,
perhaps more feminized, than in the past. They seem a bit gun-shy—with a deer
in the headlights look about them. They stay in puberty longer and delay
launching into manhood later than their predecessors. (Why become a man when
being a man is bad?) Others, perhaps
because they have been caused to be ashamed of being a male, overcompensate by
acting out in dramatic caricatures of manhood—they are overly macho, violent,
and sexually promiscuous.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Young men today also have a certain amount of repressed anger. This
may contribute to the seeming increase in bullying in schools, but also in a
more escalated <i>level</i> or <i>degree</i> of violence among young males. This
is possibly caused by not allowing young males to solve their social issues as
they have for thousands of years—on their own. In the past when two young males
disagreed about something, they went to the playground and tussled around until
one or the other acceded. Generally they
both just got too tired to continue and quit. They then shook hands and forgot
about it. In fact, many boys I fought with went on to become my good friends. Today,
however, with adult interference, boys are not allowed to solve their own
problems. They are taught that any kind of aggression or (gasp) violence is
bad. So they are forced to repress those feelings of disrespect, humiliation,
and injustice, which eventually cause those feelings to fester into frustration,
anger, resentment, and bitterness—far more powerful emotions than they were
originally faced with. Eventually those powerful repressed emotions spill over
and explode into greater levels of violence evidenced by the shootings and
stabbings we see of young men across the country.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
A big mistake that our culture currently makes with boys is that
we unconsciously combine aggression and violence into one behavior. From a
males’ perspective the two are not the same. Boys and men see aggression as
useful—it is <i>constructive</i> of the
self. Violence is just the opposite—it is <i>destructive</i>.
So when our schools, courts, and social
service workers confuse the two it does a disservice to boys who actually <i>need</i> aggression in many areas of their
life. Our culture just generally assumes now that the more feminized traits
like being quiet, sitting down, being contemplative, and nurturing are the
right way to act, and the more masculine traits like anger, aggression,
confrontation, and one-upmanship are wrong—in every circumstance! That’s not
true and does a great disservice to our boys. There <i>are</i> times when it is appropriate to be angry and confrontational
instead of passive or gentle.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Our schools and culture’s knee-jerk response to male violence (or
even just natural aggression) of establishing a “no tolerance” policy has
probably been more detrimental than helpful to young males. (If there is any
question that our public educational system has been “feminized” we need look
no further than this policy.) One reason is because it’s actually less
frightening for a male to “act out” (physically fight) when he feels threatened
than it is to have the self-control to face the issue head on. So for instance
when a boy gets made fun of on the playground, his sense of honor requires him
to respond. But perhaps because he does not have the maturity or coping skills
to understand that the more mature thing to do would be to confront his
attackers in a non-violent way, he responds emotionally and strikes back. When
we condemn his action or response as being “bad” we send the message that his
honor is not worth fighting for. And yet he has an innate ego response
mechanism that causes him to seek justice when he is disrespected. To not allow
him to respond or to require he get someone else (like an adult female) to
advocate for him tells him he is powerless, disrespected, and dishonorable. Respect
is a key attribute of the core of a male’s psyche. When he does not feel
respected or is allowed to be disrespected without recourse, it rots his pride
and weakens his level of self-respect.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
I’m not promoting that we should teach young males that violence
is the way to solve problems. But the myth that “violence never solved anything”
is just that, a myth. Violence solves lots of problems—especially violent
problems. If someone is trying to murder your wife and children, appealing to
their sense of compassion is probably not a good strategy to stop them.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Back in the “old days” when a gym teacher had two boys who had
problems with each other (which is inevitable) he put boxing gloves on them
both and told them to settle their differences in a supervised environment. Afterward,
they were made to shake hands and moved on. Even in the most adversarial
unsupervised playground scuffle seldom was anyone injured beyond a bloody nose.
Males always respect their opponent after doing battle with one another and
frequently become good friends because of the respect they earn for one
another. We did not see the problems then that we face today with high levels
of violence and the killing of our young men.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
However, our more feminized world of total tolerance does not
allow a young man to seek justice, which causes him to be resentful and angry. Males
are taught it is bad to fight or even be aggressive over any insult no matter
how egregious the offense. This frustrates their sense of justice.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
Again, I’m not promoting violence, bullying, or unchecked
aggression, but this kind of “feminization” of young males not only results in
a more intensified level of aggression, but also produces passive men who often
internalize this anger and frustration, which then manifests itself in
passive-aggressive behavior, which can be just as destructive.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
I watched this play out with a group of young males at the local
high school the other day. Their horse-playing was becoming somewhat aggressive
as young men are wont to do. Several teachers observed this and sounded the
alarm that a “fight” was about to happen. This, of course, got all the adults
in a dither, running around the building, sounding the alarm. It was obvious
from the boys’ reaction to this that they enjoyed the control they gained over
the adults who were responding to their “gang fight.” You could virtually see
the gears turning in their heads as they somewhat tongue-in-cheek continued the
escapades until the teachers and administration had worked themselves into a
near panic, at which point the boys quietly disappeared into the sunset with
smirks on their faces.</div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<div class="text">
We do our boys a disservice when we do not allow them a certain
amount of aggression and autonomy in solving their own social problems. Males
are physical beings—they solve problems through action, not by talking about
their feelings. (Frankly, to <i>talk </i>about your feelings after having had your
honor disparaged does not seem like adequate recompense.) Males often bond with
one another through aggression. This means males are biologically wired to be
more physically active, more aggressive, and more likely to need physical
activity to blow off emotional stress. </div>
<div class="text">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="text">
Want to stop bullying? If
we want to eliminate physical aggression and fights with young males, we need to find find
physical competitions or other direct challenges for them to engage in when
they have issues with each other. In addition, directing them into battles that they can use their natural aggression in a healthy way (fighting against sex trafficking, abuse, or other injustices) gives them a more noble vision of their roles in life. This teaches them to be true warriors who use
their power to lift up others, rather than becoming bullies who abuse those
weaker than they are.</div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-57466954069071602352014-01-17T09:23:00.000-08:002014-01-17T09:23:57.822-08:00Sex and Depression: A Gender-Specific Approach to Healing<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">For the next
several months a group of writers focused on the issues of boys and men are
collaborating through the writing and sharing of blog posts in order to bring
greater awareness to the unique challenges boys and men face in the 21<sup>st</sup>
Century. Twice a month these writers
will be posting the same posts on their various media formats to spread the
word and to introduce their audiences to the great work of their peers. Today’s post features Jed Diamond, whose
latest book is entitled: </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Stress Relief For Men: How To Use the
Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well.</span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Sex and Depression: A Gender-Specific Approach to Healing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">By Jed Diamond, Ph.D.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.menalive.com/">www.MenAlive.com</a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Depression
runs in my family. I became aware of
that fact when my father took an overdose of sleeping pills when I was five
years old. Growing up I had little
understanding of what had happened or why he was hospitalized and disappeared
from our lives. But I did grow up with a
hunger to understand depression and a terror that I would become depressed
myself and face my own suicidal demons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> When I was 40 and going through my own bouts of
depression, I found a journal he had written in the year before he was
hospitalized and I got a better understanding of his suffering and my own. Here are a few of the entries:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">June
4th: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles when
you look around and see good writers, established writers, writers with credits
a block long, unable to sell, unable to find work, Yes, it's enough to make anyone, blanch, turn
pale and sicken.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> August 15th:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> Faster, faster, faster, I
walk. I plug away looking for work,
anything to support my family. I try,
try, try, try, try. I always try and
never stop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> November 8th:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> A hundred failures, an endless
number of failures, until now, my confidence, my hope, my belief in myself, has
run completely out. Middle aged, I stand
and gaze ahead, numb, confused, and desperately worried. All around me I see the young in spirit, the
young in heart, with ten times my confidence, twice my youth, ten times my
fervor, twice my education.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes,
on a Sunday morning in early November, my hope and my life stream are both
running desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that I hold my breath in fear,
believing that the dark, blank curtain is about to descend.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Six
days after his November 8th entry, my father tried to end his life. Though he survived physically, emotionally he
was never again the same. For nearly 40
years I've treated more and more men who are facing similar stresses to those
my father experienced. The economic
conditions and social dislocations that contributed to his feelings of shame
and hopelessness continue to weigh heavily on men today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> During that period my mother also became depressed, but
it was quite different than my father’s experience. Where he was often irritable and angry, she
was more often sad and weepy. While he
pushed people away who wanted to help him, she drew close to her friends and
neighbors. In working with men and women
over the years I’ve found other differences in the ways males and females deal
with their pain and suffering. Here’s a
chart that summarizes my experience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" class="MsoNormalTable">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> Males
are more likely to act out their inner pain and turmoil, while women are more
likely to turn their feelings inward. Certainly
there are depressed men who fall on the female side and vice versa, but
generally I’ve found these differences to hold true for most depressed men
and women I’ve worked with over the years.
</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 24.0pt;" width="32">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" class="MsoNormalTable">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background: #FFFFCC; padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 24.0pt;" width="32"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; padding: 0.75pt;">
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="background-color: #ffffcc; width: 100%px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background: silver; padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Female
depression</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: silver; padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Male depression</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Blame themselves</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feel others are to
blame</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feel sad, apathetic,
and worthless</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feel angry, irritable,
and ego inflated</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feel anxious and scared</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feel suspicious and
guarded</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Avoids conflicts at all
costs</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Creates conflicts</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Tries to be nice</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Overtly or covertly
hostile</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Withdraws when feeling
hurt</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Attacks when feeling
hurt</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Has trouble respecting
self</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Demands respect from
other</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feels they were born to
fail</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feels the world is set
them up to fail them</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Slowed down and nervous</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Restless and agitated</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Chronic procrastinator</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Compulsive time keeper</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sleeps too much</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sleeps too little</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Trouble setting
boundaries</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Rigid boundaries and
need for control</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feels guilty for what
they do</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Feels ashamed for who
they are</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Uncomfortable receiving
praise</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Frustrated if not
praised enough</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Finds it easy to talk
about weaknesses and doubts</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Terrified to talk about
weaknesses and doubts</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Strong fear of success</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Strong fear of failure</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Needs to "blend
in" to feel safe</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Needs to be "top
dog" to feel safe</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Uses food, friends, and
"love" to self-medicate</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Uses alcohol, TV,
sports, and sex to self- medicate</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Believe their problems
could be solved if only they could
be a better (spouse, co-worker, parent, friend)</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Believe their problems
could be solved if only their
(spouse, co-worker, parent, friend) would treat them better</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Constantly wonder,
"Am I loveable enough?"</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="padding: .75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt; width: 50.0%;" width="50%">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Constantly wonder,
"Am I being loved enough?"</span><span style="color: #000099; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Chart found
in my books, </span><a href="http://menalive.com/store/"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Male Menopause</span></i></a><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, </span></i><a href="http://menalive.com/store/"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Irritable Male Syndrome</span></i></a><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, </span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and </span><a href="http://menalive.com/store/"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Whole Man
Program.</span></i></a></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #000099;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Gender-Specific Medicine
Saves Lives<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> For too long, we’ve assumed that sex and gender differences
are not important in health care. But a
new field of </span><a href="http://gendermed.org/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">gender-specific medicine</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> is
emerging that can save lives. We now
know that there are differences in everything from </span><a href="http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/rheumatoid-arthritis-crp-levels"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">rheumatoid arthritis</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> to </span><a href="http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/early-warning-signs-dementia"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Alzheimer’s</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">. For instance, it was once thought that
symptoms of an impending heart attack were the same for women and men. Now we know that women often have </span><a href="https://gendermed.org/about-gsm/just-the-facts/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">different symptoms than men</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">
and millions of women are getting proper treatment as a result.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> Likewise, understanding the difference ways that men
experience depression can save millions of men’s lives who might otherwise be
lost. We know that the suicide rate for
males in the U.S. is </span><a href="http://menalive.com/women-seek-help-men-die-new-findings-on-male-depression-and-suicide-will-save-millions-of-lives/#more-2511"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">3 to 18 times higher</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> than it is for females. Many
men die and suffer from undiagnosed and untreated depression because we haven’t
understood the ways in which male depression manifests. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> I have made it my life quest to help men, and the women
who love them, to live well at all stages of their lives. At </span><a href="http://menalive.com/help-me-keep-a-million-men-alive/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">MenAlive</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> our
team brings together people and resources from all over the world to help
people realize their dreams of a fulfilling life. I hope you’ll </span><a href="http://menalive.com/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">join us</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></u></div>
Jed Diamond, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., is Founder and Director of <b>MenAlive, </b>a health program that helps
men, and the people who love them, to live well throughout their lives. He is a pioneer in the field of male-gender
medicine. Since its inception in 1992, Jed has been on the Board of Advisors of
the <b>Men’s Health Network</b>. He is also a member of the <b>Association for Comprehensive Energy
Psychology (ACEP), </b>the<b> International
Society for the Study of the Aging Male</b> and serves as a member of the
International Scientific Board of the <b>World Congress on Gender and Men’s
Health. </b>He is the only male
columnist writing for the <b>National Association of Baby Boomer Women. </b>He
also blogs for the <b>Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Scribd,</b> <b>Menstuff,
ThirdAge, </b>and other venues.<o:p></o:p><br />
He is the author of 11 books,
including international best-sellers, <i>Surviving
Male Menopause</i> and <i>The Irritable Male
Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the
4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression.</i>
His new <a href="http://www.northatlanticbooks.com/catalog/results.pperl?title_subtitle_auth_isbn=Jed+Diamond">book <i>Stress
Relief for Men: How to Use the
Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well</i></a> will be available in April, 2014. <o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-62199005319182883772014-01-03T15:04:00.002-08:002014-01-03T15:04:50.535-08:00Michael Gurian: If I Were a Parent of a Boy… <div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For
the next several months a group of writers focused on the issues of boys and
men are collaborating through the writing and sharing of blog posts in order to
bring greater awareness to the unique challenges boys and men face in the 21<sup>st</sup>
Century. Twice a month these writers
will be posting the same posts on their various media formats to spread the
word and to introduce their audiences to the great work of their peers. Today’s post features New York Times
Best-Selling Author Michael Gurian, whose book, <b>The Wonder of Boys</b>, is credited with launching the modern boy’s
movement. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;">
<b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRTdiP0_kSYpt7XjExpy_lZO3pa_CDQ8_59Zqh4PQcXrKRaRR32lBjKbs4WMVk-4IuVynTGHB_n71lhqHmbKy9534fbXDd8R9zbtBA2eu4GDfNf92Jas_hwFO5M2WWSJlTd_CtVcWYfto/s1600/Gurian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRTdiP0_kSYpt7XjExpy_lZO3pa_CDQ8_59Zqh4PQcXrKRaRR32lBjKbs4WMVk-4IuVynTGHB_n71lhqHmbKy9534fbXDd8R9zbtBA2eu4GDfNf92Jas_hwFO5M2WWSJlTd_CtVcWYfto/s1600/Gurian.jpg" /></a></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In working with
her family therapy clients over the last twenty years, my wife, Gail, has said,
“If I were a parent of a boy, I would really be worried.” She is referring to her fear for the social, economic,
emotional, and spiritual lives of America’s boys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As we raised our daughters, we asked our
girls what they thought of the gender landscape around them. Gabrielle (then 16) came home from school in
2006 and said, “We had a discussion in social studies about boys and
girls—everyone was talking like girls had it hard but boys had it easy. They were in denial.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Davita (then 19), came home from college
for the holidays last year and reported a discussion with her college friends. “I’m really glad I’m a girl, not a boy. The boys aren’t sure what to do, but the
girls are doing everything.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">These discussions were anecdotal, of
course. Both girls and boys, and women and men, can experience suffering in our
world. Girls don’t have it easy. Women don’t have it easy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">But it is also true that boys and men are
in substantial trouble today. They increasingly
fill our principal’s offices, ADD/ADHD assessment clinics, and rolls of the
homeless and unemployed. Boys and men are
more likely to be victims of violence than girls and women, commit suicide at
four times the rate of females, and suffer emotional disturbance, behavioral
and other brain related disorders in higher numbers. They are suspended or
expelled from school in much higher numbers than girls, receive two thirds of
the Ds and Fs in schools, and lag behind girls in standardized test scores in
all fifty states. They abuse substances
and alcohol at higher rates than girls and are incarcerated at exponentially
higher rates (for more data in all these areas, please see </span><a href="http://www.whitehouseboysmen.org/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">www.whitehouseboysmen.org</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Especially telling, the majority of
government and philanthropic funding for gender friendly-programming goes to
programs and innovations to help girls and women. The existence of this funding
is to be celebrated, but the disconnect between the reality males face and the
social justice attention males get needs to be examined by each of us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We are in denial about our males. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I believe this denial will continue (and
we will ultimately rue and mourn the dangerous, socially debilitating
consequences) unless we change our academic, media, government, and
philanthropic programming to include a new ideological truth: just as the traditionalist paradigm regarding
girls and women needed to be deconstructed and replaced by the feminist
paradigm in the last century,<i> the feminist
paradigm, especially as it regards boys and men, needs to be deconstructed and,
at least in part, replaced now if we are to meet the needs of both genders</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Why does it need to change? Because it posits that females are victims of
a masculine society that oppresses them systematically, and this isn’t true in
the developed world anymore. While
individual girls and women can be dominated and demeaned by individual boys and
men (and vice versa), we do not live in a culture that systematically teaches
girls and women that they are second class citizens and boys and men that they
are superior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">While some areas of life are still male
dominant (mechanical engineering, senior leadership at some corporations and
some areas of government), other areas of life and work are female dominant
(management, medicine, education, mental health professions). The original feminist paradigm posited
systemic male dominance in our culture, but male dominance is only systemic in
small pockets of the culture and female dominance also exists in others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Can our culture open its mind to our new
reality? To answer yes, we will need to
make a distinction between gender issues in the developed world and the
developing world. In many countries in
the developing world, systemic and brutal patriarchy does prevail and the
feminist model of male dominance/female victimization is essential for encouraging
social justice. My own parents, while
they served in the State Department, helped build schools for girls in
Afghanistan against impossible odds. In
that world, systemic degradation of females was and is prevalent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">But in the developed world, we can’t
keep operating out of a gender lens that blinds us to reality. If we do continue to remain blind, we will
continue to avoid fulfilling our most human of imperatives: to take care of our children. If we do not fix what ails our sons--if we do
not love them in the ways they need to be loved--we will create an increasingly
dangerous society for girls and women, too.
No parent of either gender wants that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Copyright
Michael Gurian 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-55973124747989471222013-12-18T23:44:00.001-08:002013-12-18T23:44:12.766-08:00from the founder of BetterDads.net: The War on Men<a href="http://authorrickjohnson.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-war-on-men.html?spref=bl">from the founder of BetterDads.net: The War on Men</a>: Guys, we need to stop being ashamed of being men. Virtually every behavior that is natural to a man is now being criticized and we are made...Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-632076936353771507.post-44092650595183977402013-12-18T23:42:00.000-08:002013-12-18T23:47:13.418-08:00The War on MenGuys, we need to stop being ashamed of being men. Virtually every behavior that is natural to a man is now being criticized and we are made to feel ashamed about being our gender.
Perhaps if we spent more time uplifting men instead of trying to annilate masculinity, we’d have better men.<br />
<br />
I recently posted this comment on a social network site.
Not a huge fan of Men's Health Magazine, but this ain't bad advice:
<i>"You can't be a topnotch man unless you're deeply grateful. For what? Glad you asked. For the gift of your gender. For those muscles in your back. For those neurons in your brain. For your mirth. Your lust. Your courage. For your possibilities. A man in full appreciates the twist of fate that made him so strong, so cunning, so stalwart, so alert, so sexually skilled, so fully equipped, so good to go. Live the appreciation, by using it all."</i><br />
<br />
The point was that men should have an attitude of gratefulness. Is there anything wrong with a man being grateful? Hardly—I’d say it’s one of the foundations of authentic masculinity.
Men were almost embarrassingly silent regarding the post, but a number of women responded with snarky comments like, “so humble” or “vain,” or “very prideful.”<br />
<br />
Really? Are we so threatened by passionate, proud masculinity that we (as a culture) are programmed to immediately take steps to keep it squashed down. After all, if we can keep men ashamed of themselves, we can keep them docile. And docile men are easy to control. We’ve raised a generation of docile sons and we now call them slackers. If I had posted a note encouraging women to be proud of how they were created I’d have been lauded as an enlightened and highly intelligent human being.<br />
<br />
In the past, men’s conferences such as Promise Keepers were met with criticism and distain by the media and women (even Christian women). They were portrayed as men getting together to plot and scheme with some ulterior motive to dominate or control women, putting them back under the thumb of oppression.
Recently a Christian men’s conference focusing on inspiring men to act more manly has been heavily lambasted by Christian men and women in the media as being chauvinistic and rather stupid. Comments such as “Why do men need a conference to teach them how to be men anyway?” were cavalierly tossed about intending to humiliate the men who attended (yet interestingly national and local conferences that teach women how to live fulfilling and satisfying lives as wives, mothers, and women are thriving).
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcZrsRXlCMBnhSq97kZtQh8I9_nt9NGFW08IkhJxEAyk_PiMfxqcIhsycMkJx-vAKrcP6P7durLxsRdcC-2LWC7gGzgxSezy27kfVIwz_H6twcAvhbYfpVZ0S5SS7QPzR2GvKu7y7Q9E/s1600/Feminists.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcZrsRXlCMBnhSq97kZtQh8I9_nt9NGFW08IkhJxEAyk_PiMfxqcIhsycMkJx-vAKrcP6P7durLxsRdcC-2LWC7gGzgxSezy27kfVIwz_H6twcAvhbYfpVZ0S5SS7QPzR2GvKu7y7Q9E/s320/Feminists.jpg" /></a></div>
As a culture we seem to be highly threatened when groups of men get together so we do all we possibly can to demolish (or at least integrate with females) men’s clubs, boys groups, or any other male-only domains. After all, we wouldn’t want men getting together without the supervision of a female—who knows what might happen? When men have gotten together in the past they’ve only done things like, oh, put a man on the moon, or write the Constitution and Bill of Rights for the greatest country ever created in the history of the world.<br />
<br />
Men are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If they make no efforts to improve themselves they are criticized as being lazy and self-centered. If they do try and improve themselves by learning from other men they are accused of trying to usurp a woman’s rights and it’s assumed that there must be some nefarious motive behind what they are attempting. And when they do good and right things (like the young Catholic men in the photo above who were praying together to protect a Catholic cathedral from vandalism) they are mocked and chastised.<br />
<br />
Guys don’t buy into it. You need other men in your life. Learn from them what healthy (and unhealthy) masculinity looks like. And when you make mistakes (which you will) learn from them and don’t be ashamed. If you are not making mistakes (and getting criticized by someone), you’re not accomplishing anything.<br />
<br />
Now go out and figure out how to accomplish something great!Rick Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07849127668942348948noreply@blogger.com0